Child's Play, The Citizen, December 2006

How Much Is Enough

Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.

I've noticed a trend over the past ten or fifteen years that troubles me and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. Every year around this time the media publishes numbers that show how much money we are all spending during the Christmas season. It seems like every year that number gets bigger and bigger.

In the U.S., many families spend more money on Christmas presents than families in other countries earn in an entire year. I appreciate the generosity of these families, but it leaves me wondering where it will end. When will we have spent enough?

As a child in the 1960's, I remember getting a one-dollar bill in a card for Christmas from my grandmother. She was on a very tight budget, but she always managed to give something to each of us grandchildren - and there were a lot of us. That was enough then and in a way I think it should also be enough now. The purpose of a present is to show that the giver is thinking about the receiver. I don't believe that giving someone $500 means you love her more than if you gave her $50.

In a way, gift selection is a way for the giver to prove to the receiver that the giver knows the receiver well enough to pick just the right gift. The potential problem is that we don't stop with one gift. In our zealous generosity, we buy five, ten, or fifteen gifts for the same person. One family last year told me they opened presents from around 8AM until lunch, took a break, and then finished after lunch. This was not a large family. Where does it end?

Everything we do as individuals and as a culture has meaning and our extravagance at Christmas may be communicating a message we don't want to send. While we intend to lavish our loved ones with gifts in an effort to say, "I care," I think we are instead sending a message, especially to our children, that the gifts have value in themselves. They don't. They are tokens of our relationships. The more gifts we give, the more likely it is that we lose our intended meaning in the presents themselves.

Maybe we are hoping that there will be a point where we will have the perfect Christmas - a Christmas where everyone said something like, "I got everything I wanted. Thank you!" But only a wise person would ever say such a thing and such a comment would never be based on the number of presents received nor would it be based on the amount of money spent.

So what should we do? Here are some thoughts: First, for every present your child receives, find an old toy to give away. Second, make sure your child writes notes of thanks to all the people who gave him/her a gift. This requires them to invest energy instead of just "getting." Third, take your child Christmas shopping. Give him a budget, help him figure out who all he has to buy for, and stay within that budget.

Fourth, only let your child buy one present per person. This will force him to think more carefully about what he buys. Fifth, I'm not exactly suggesting that we limit our gifts to a specific number. I don't know what that number would be. Would two presents be too many? How about four? That isn't the point. No matter how many presents you give, your children will still say, "Is that all?" Instead I'm suggesting that we at least think about what we want to say with our gifts and make sure that is what we do.

Finally, if you are religious, make sure you do something that focuses on the meaning of Christmas in your faith. As we all know, it is easy to lose the meaning of a holiday in the festivities.

To all of you readers, I thank you for taking the time to read my column each month. This is my thirteenth Christmas writing this column and if it wasn't for you, I would have no reason to write. Merry Christmas.

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