Child's Play, The Citizen, December 2008

Twelve Gifts of Christmas

Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.

Everyone knows the carol, "The Twelve Days of Christmas," but few people know what that really means. In Christian tradition, the Twelve Days of Christmas begin on Christmas day and end on January 5 - the Twelfth Night as immortalized by Shakespeare - representing the days between the birth of Jesus and the arrival of the Magi. These twelve days historically involved giving of gifts; thus, the gifts "my true love gave to me" in the carol.

I've committed myself to giving my children twelve gifts this year that represent what I want most for them. They don't know it yet, but I've prepared three Christmas cards, one for each of them, with my list of gifts for them. Here is my list.

First, when it is possible, I'm committing to ensure that I have at least one conversation a day that revolves exclusively around each of them - one-to-one. I want to be a good listener. Listening is what demonstrates that you care and that you are interested in someone else. It is easy to talk and we spend much of our "listening" time just waiting for our turn to talk. I'm going to include a home-made coupon in each of my children's card that they can redeem at any time they need to be heard if I'm not being a good listener.

Second, I'm going to ensure I'm a good disciplinarian. Contrary to the way we use the word, discipline and punishment don't mean the same thing. The Latin word "disciplina" means "to teach." It is from this same word that we get the term "disciple." I'm committing myself to look for every opportunity to teach my children life skills.

Third, I will pick one book for each of my children that I want them to read. The book will be one that matches their personalities, interests, and one that will help them learn something about the world. There are few better gifts than books.

Fourth, I will do my best to provide a peaceful home for them. A home where one is safe to be oneself, where it is quiet, and where life is comfortable like an old pair of blue jeans is worth more than any present I could wrap.

Fifth, I am going to work hard on patience. I will be patient when they mess up and I will work at being patient with the things they do that bug me. This will help me meet my fourth gift, as well, and it will make home a safe place even when life outside is in turmoil.

Sixth, I will set an example of character. I'll will pay my taxes, drive the speed limit, and avoid doing the things I tell them they shouldn't do.

Seventh, I will look for ways to say "yes" to their wishes instead of looking for reasons to say no.

Eighth, I will help each of them see at least one of their weaknesses and help them find ways to overcome those weaknesses.

Ninth, I will focus on helping each of them see at least one of their strengths and learn to believe in themselves. This might be the hardest gift of all.

Tenth, I will focus on the importance of virtue - especially gratitude. It is funny to me that the secular world often looks down its nose at virtue as something for religious fanatics, yet everyone wants to do business with an honest man and every man wants to marry a virtuous woman.

Eleventh, I will try to learn one thing that is important to them - a game, a book, or a music group they like. It is too easy for me to live in my own world and suppose their interests are just too different. Who knows, I might learn to like something I never knew existed.

Finally, I will give them me, heart and soul, so that they would never - ever - question that Daddy loves them more than his hobbies, work, or personal interests.

Make your own list. Even "Three Days of Christmas" would be a good start.

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