Letter From A Depressed Teen
Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.
If your teenager was suffering from depression and she could
articulate her thoughts to you, it might sound something like
this:
No, I don't know what is wrong with me and I wish you would
quit asking me. I'm as confused about my behavior as you are.
I try to please you, but no matter what I do I feel like I'm failing.
When my alarm goes off in the morning and wakes me from my troubled
night's sleep, I dread facing the day. No matter what the weather
is like, every day is a cloudy day for me. On my worst days it
is even hard to breathe. I have no appetite and even when I'm
hungry, food has no taste. Colors are blurred, music sounds dull
to me, and don't even get me started on the monotony of school.
My friends think I'm doing fine because I can force a smile most
of the school day, but by the time I get home I'm completely out
of energy. I can't fake it anymore.
It doesn't help me for you to point out how lucky I am. You tell
me about children in other countries who don't have my privileges
and affluence. Those lectures only make me feel worse. I know
how lucky I am, but I can't figure out why I still feel so bad.
When I go out with friends I'm tempted by alcohol and other drugs.
When my boyfriend tries to make out with me I sometimes give in.
The lure of feeling better - or even feeling nothing - is so powerful
that it challenges my better judgment.
Telling me to "snap out of it" only makes me feel worse.
Don't you think I would if I could? Your irritation and impatience
only makes me withdraw further and convinces me that you don't
have a clue what I'm going through. I'd talk to you if I thought
you could understand. Hearing your harsh words makes me feel more
alone than ever.
As a result I hide behind my make-up and my iPod and I stay in
my room as much as possible. You ask me why I spend so much time
on the phone talking or texting. I do that because it can distract
me from how lonely I feel and how heavy my heart is. I wonder
if I'll ever be happy and I'd trade everything I have for just
one day of life like a normal person.
I need help, but I don't know what to ask for. I'm tired of not
sleeping, I'm out of energy, and I see nothing in my future except
more of the same. I can't imagine going through the rest of my
life like this. I wish someone could understand.
Depression among teenagers is a real and debilitating problem.
Data from the last few years reveal that one in five teens suffer
from depression at some time prior to adulthood and 5% of those
teens suffer from major depression, a problem that doesn't go
away by itself. Over 4,000 teens commit suicide every year in
the United States.
Depression comes in many forms and has multiple causes. Some forms
of depression occur because the body does not generate enough
of the neurotransmitters it needs, like insulin in diabetes. Other
times depression is acute - caused by situations in your teen's
life such as a troubled romance, bullying, or failing grades.
Some symptoms of depression include withdrawing from life, crying,
irritability, risky behaviors, changes in eating/sleeping habits,
constant fatigue, or suicidal thoughts.
If your teen exhibits these symptoms, depression may be
at work. Get help from a trained therapist or psychologist who
can diagnose the problem and recommend treatment options. The
first step, though, is to understand. Be patient and willing to
listen to your teen. Being heard opens the door to healing.