Watchful Parenting
Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.
In Newark, Delaware in January 2001, 8-year-old Jeremiah said goodbye to his mother and headed out the door into the wet winter cold with his 11-year-old sister and their 13-year-old cousin. His mother's last words to him were, "Don't go down to the pond - it's dangerous."
All three children ignored her warning. Before long the trio found themselves at the golf course near Jeremiah's home. Acting on a dare from his cousin, Jeremiah walked out onto a frozen pond. The ice cracked and he fell through. Rescue workers were able to revive the boy even though he had spent more than 30 minutes under the ice in the frigid water. However, he suffered serious brain damage that resulted in his being confined to a wheelchair, he required a tracheotomy to breathe, and he suffered frequent seizures. Sadly, he died fourteen months later.
Jeremiah's mother sued the Newark Country Club for wrongful death. A part of the legal wrangling involved whether or not the pond was an "attractive nuisance" to children. In her suit, Jeremiah's mother also claimed the country club had failed to childproof the pond even though the children had climbed through a fence and ignored a "No Trespassing" sign.
This story caught my eye because while I am grieved for the mother and the loss of her child, her suit is typical of how our culture approaches things these days. Instead of taking responsibility for doing more to ensure her children didn't even go to the golf course, it is easier and seemingly more reasonable to blame someone else for the accident. It appears that it made sense to this woman that her words "Don't go there" were adequate, but the country club couldn't do the same with their fence and sign. This frustrates me. At what point do we take responsibility for our own actions?
Responsibility to protect our children lies primarily with parents and guardians. It was not the golf course's primary responsibility to watch their pond to ensure no child walked on thin ice. It seems ironic to me that this woman expected a higher standard of care for her children from a stranger than she expected from herself.
It is a natural response when tragedy strikes to look for blame. After the recent shooting at Virginia Tech, fingers have been pointed at the college administration, counselors, students, teachers, and the shooter's parents. There is nothing wrong with trying to find out what went wrong, but finger pointing more often has blame as its goal rather than solutions. We find comfort once blame has been assigned because then we can believe the tragedy wasn't due to something we did or did not do.
Maybe this is what Jeremiah's mother needed. Unfortunately for her, the Delaware Supreme Court eventually ruled against her suit in favor of the Newark Country Club saying the pond was not an attractive nuisance as the suit alleged. The Court argued that the child knew the behavior was risky, in part because his own mother had warned him.
I am not a lawyer so I cannot address whether this was a
good legal decision, but from a social perspective, I think it
was the right thing to do. Whether it is protecting our children
from abduction, injury or accident, nothing substitutes for parental
supervision. If you want to ensure that your children are safe,
YOU need to take primary responsibility for protecting them. No
one will care for your children like you.