Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.
I was being interviewed recently by
a news reporter regarding a homicide case I was working on. During the
interview she asked about several other cases and eventually posed this
question: "What is the most troubling thing you have seen in your
career?"
After 30 years as a clinician,
homicide profiler, and investigator, I have seen a lot. I know she
expected me to say something about one of those cases. But the most
troubling - the saddest - thing I've ever seen had nothing to do with my work.
Many years ago, I had traveled to
see a very wealthy friend. He is by far the richest person I've ever
known. He owned homes in many places, most of them in the $5-10 million
range. This particular home cost much more than that.
It was a fantastic structure that I'd seen many times. It was so
elaborate that anyone who didn't know better would have thought it was a resort
of some kind. But no. Just this guy's house.
When I arrived, my friend had just
gone through a divorce and he was living in the guest house, a home three times
the size of my own. He invited me to walk through the main house.
It had been a while since I'd been there and I accepted.
The place was immaculate. It
was decorated to the nines down to carefully placed magazines on coffee tables
and perfectly aligned coffee cups in the kitchen cabinets. But here is
what was so sad to me.
Every closet was empty. In
the master bedroom for example, the closet was bigger than my living room, but
not a shoe or hanger was to be found. No socks, no personal items, and no
Christmas decorations stowed away for the summer.
Through the years, I have often
traveled to Chile, a second home for me. Chileans, in general, don't
focus on careers to the extent we Americans do. Almost no one introduces
himself by what he does. The people of Chile are defined by family.
They have played a part in strengthening my conviction that life is so much
more than possessions.
The middle class live in very small
houses. Sometimes a 2-bedroom house will accommodate seven or eight
people. Sharing bedrooms, sleeping on couches, and crowded dinner tables
are the norm.
There is a Spanish phrase that is
common in Chile that goes like this - Donde caben ocho, donde caben nueve.
Loosely translated, it means "Where there is room for eight, there is room
for nine." Chileans will say this no matter how many extra chairs
are needed. One home I stay in regularly often has 15 or more people
squeezed into their tiny dining room. Everyone fits.
My dad used to jokingly say, money
doesn't buy happiness, but it can buy some great substitutes. I know what
he meant, but in reality, money only buys substitutes.
Travel is fun, but more fun when we travel with someone we love or
when we share our photos with those who care about us. Titles and awards
are mere pieces of paper until others can share in our successes. And
holidays have almost no meaning - just another square on the calendar - if they
are not shared with those you love.
Maybe this is why so many movie stars and athletes - people at the
top of their careers - suffer life-long depression and sometimes even commit
suicide. I think of Marilyn Monroe, one of the most famous actresses of
her time, taking her life in a lonely bedroom at such a young age.