Child's Play, The Citizen, January 2009

13 Things You Need To Know About College Professors

Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.

I've been a college professor for more than twenty years. I've taught graduate and undergraduate, public and private, big colleges and little ones. The same issues with students exist in every one of them. Here are thirteen things your college student might want to know about college professors.

1. We have favorites. Don't believe any professor who says he doesn't, but we can still be fair.


2. We don't grade all papers the same. I spend more time on a marginal student's paper and the papers of goof-offs because I assume they didn't work at it and/or there will be more mistakes. Be a good student and it works to your advantage.

3. Follow directions. You hang yourself if you don't read the syllabus and follow simple directions that are given in class. Saying, "I didn't know," when it is clearly written on the syllabus or I said it in class only makes you look like a crummy student. (See #2)

4. If you are not a great writer, don't expect an A when you start your paper the night before it is due. When I have to spend more time grading your paper than you took to write it, I just get mad. That doesn't help your grade. (Again, see #2)

5. We know what you are reading, writing, or doing on your computer in class. Don't think we can't tell you are disengaged. We aren't as dumb as we look.

6. Don't goof off for 14 weeks, skip class, come in late, leave early, sleep in class, and miss assignments and then ask for extra credit. That just hacks us off and the answer will always be "no."

7. Plagiarism screams at us. Don't think you won't be found out. Even if we can't prove it and you seem to get away with it doesn't mean we don't know. Who do you think you will be asking to write references for jobs and graduate school when you finish college?

8. I don't have time to compute grades five hundred times during the semester - a job you could do on your own, and I don't know your grade off the top of my head. I have several hundred students in four classes. Keep up with your own grades and don't ask me in the hall. Even if I knew it, I wouldn't tell you because if I remember incorrectly, you'll just be mad. It isn't worth the risk. Plus, we make mistakes. Keeping up with your own grade might catch a mistake on my part.

9. When you miss a class or come in late, don't try to jump into the conversation. Nothing makes you look sillier than saying something we covered while you were gone.

10. Like a traffic cop, I've heard every possible excuse. I would rather hear you say, "I screwed up," than to hear about how the printer wouldn't work, your spouse has your stuff in her car, or you lost your disk. If you wait until the last minute, there is no time left for the unexpected. That is your fault, not the printer's. Plan ahead.

11. Don't disrespect me. I have four degrees and two decades of experience. Your opinion, unless it is based on something other than "you think it," is not equal to mine.

12. When you miss a class, never, EVER, ask me if we "did anything important" while you were gone. (See # 2)

13. If you need help, come see me. I love my discipline and I want you to learn it. If you work hard, come to class, and seek help from me during the semester, it can work to your advantage when grade time comes along. I don't randomly give students grades, but I have the latitude to throw out a low grade or give you bonus credit for your extra effort. The better I know you, the better I know whether or not you are getting it - even if your test grades haven't shown it.

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