Every year at this time it is hard for me to believe how close Christmas is. Especially as I get older, I have come to realize the importance of Christmas rituals. Please don't misunderstand me. The religious implications of the holidays are very important. However, the impact of ritual on our families, is also important.
Thinking back over my childhood years, I can remember specific presents I received that were important to me. I remember my first bicycle, a toy fire truck, as well as way too many packages of socks and underwear. The thing I remember most, however, is the rarely changing routine of Christmas. The purchase of a tree after Thanksgiving. The Saturday morning that my sisters and I would help my mother decorate the tree. We would sing around the lighted tree in the evenings occasionally. The routine of opening presents on our Christmas morning (actually Christmas Eve) and then events at my grandparents houses through Christmas day never changed. My mother always made Christmas cookies (she still does). My sisters and I would have stockings which were always in the same place and had similar things in them. "Santa" would bring us one "big" present and the rest of our gifts were little odds and ends.
This routine is the most enduring memory. For most children, they will never have enough. No matter how many gifts they open, at the end they will say, "Is that all?". I am positive that the things your children will remember as they grow older are not the specific gifts (although they will remember some), but the routine, the ritual, that your family experiences. For this reason, I think the holidays should be a time of establishing patterns that don't change. When my oldest daughter was very young, my wife made a conscious decision to read the Christmas story to her just before bed on the eve of Christmas. Now, after nine years, I find that I look forward to hearing Stacey read to our three children. Its a practice we have adopted that is part of our Christmas ritual that makes the holidays fulfilling.
A second issue that I think we lose sight of during the holidays is the opportunity to teach generosity. A responsible parent is one who teaches generosity in the giving of presents. Children should be participants not only in receiving gifts, but in giving them. Let them buy gifts or at least help shop for them. Very young children can't understand the concept of money, but they can begin to understand the excitement of giving something to someone and experience the vicarious pleasure from one who is opening a gift that the child has helped buy and wrap. Don't worry that they cannot "keep a secret". Let them in on the process. If they spill the beans, so be it.
I know this article precedes Thanksgiving, this will be my last column prior to Christmas. I wanted to address the holiday while the reader still had time to use these ideas. I want my children to remember the rituals of shopping, wrapping, and giving, as well as the rituals of decorating, eating and seeing grandparents, aunts and uncles.
I wish you the very best of Thanksgivings and the merriest of holidays
