When should a teenager be allowed to date? I have been asked this question many times and, like many questions regarding our children, the answer is not a simple one. There is no magic age that a child reaches in which she or he is suddenly ready for the responsibility of dating. Several considerations are important.
First: I suggest that learning the dating process begins in the early grade school years. A parent should take his/her child out on simulated "dates" in order to teach the child how it works. I take my daughters on dates to dinner, the movies, and other events. I want them to see how they should be treated by a 'date.' As they reach the age where they date without me, they know what to expect and what not to expect. I suggest that the opposite gender parent of the child be the one to teach dating in this way. If the home is a single-parent home, a grandparent or other close relative would do just as well.
Second: I believe that the development of the child is important to consider. Some children are socially and emotional underdeveloped at a traditional age for dating (16 years, for example). They might not be ready to handle the responsibilities of this event. Other children may be ready around age 16. The way you know is by examining the way these children handle other responsibilities like schoolwork, homework, household responsibilities, etc. If the child is deceptive, dishonest, or irresponsible in these areas, it is likely the same characteristics will present themselves on a date.
Third: As a general rule, I think age 16 is a good starting place. I don't think that first dates should be alone. Double dating with a couple the parent sees as responsible is a better way to start. In fact, double dating is not a bad plan most of the time, anyway.
Fourth: The parent should meet the date. If your child is ashamed or afraid to introduce the date, or if the date is unwilling, your child should not be going out with this person.
Fifth: Make sure your child has a clear plan for the date. Where will they go? What will they do? Who will be there? When will they return? Simply providing a curfew may leave too many things to chance. Young people who "hang out" are much more likely to get into all kinds of trouble than those who plan, for example, dinner, a movie, then home.
Dating is an important part of learning social skill, social responsibility, and learning compatibility. It is also a risky behavior that irresponsible people can use to engage in risky and irresponsible sexual behavior as well as other potentially damaging or dangerous behaviors. Teaching children to be responsible during the years leading up to dating and providing a home that encourages responsible behavior is the beginning point of answering the question, "When should a teenager be allowed to date?".
