A Lesson From Sandy Hook
Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.
Christmas is a time for children. The realities of life
are suspended and for one short season, magic is acceptable and
expected. Visits from family and friends, warm evenings around
the fireplace, and the gentle waft of carols everywhere one goes
reminds us of the season of giving, receiving, and being grateful
to close another year with the ones we love. Children snuggle
into bed on Christmas Eve, struggling to sleep as their thoughts
are possessed by the joy that awaits them in the morning.
But it is hard to be in a Christmas mood with the recent tragedy
in Connecticut. The ribbons, Christmas lights, and wrapped packages
that usually bring with them feelings of joy and celebration,
from now on I fear especially for those who are grieving so deeply
in Newtown, will often serve as reminders of the loss of 26 lives
- most of them 6- and 7-year-old children. Many of us far from
that community will be remembering, too.
In those homes in Newtown, Christmas trees will most likely be
replaced with somber visits from friends and family. Packages
will go unopened. It grieves me to think of the pain those parents
will have to go through as they eventually remove carefully purchased
presents from under the Christmas tree.
Maybe they will sit together as families and unwrap gifts together,
tears flowing with each one. Or maybe those presents will remain
wrapped, tucked away in an attic or a closet indefinitely. Opening
them may be too much of a reminder of the reality that the child
will not be coming home. Not even the magic of Christmas can change
that truth.
I heard about this tragedy the day it happened as I got into my
truck and started home from a trip. I've studied and investigated
homicides, several of them in schools, for more than 20 years.
My first response to this news was, "That's it! I'm done
with this kind of work." I just wanted it to be a dream.
As is often the case, numerous people sought my thoughts on this
shooting, but for the first time in my career, I couldn't bring
myself to talk about it.
But then I realized my error. This is still Christmas. I cannot
let the actions of a selfish, mentally ill person steal that from
me or from anyone else. Recovery from any tragedy begins when
one decides to get up, take a step forward toward the future,
and to keep moving, even when it hurts. With each step, the pain
becomes more bearable and as the tenderness of the tragedy is
left further in the past, the clarity of the blessings of life
can begin to shine through.
The lesson of this shooting isn't about politics, gun control,
domestic violence, or mental health. The lesson of this tragedy
- like all tragedies - is that we are stronger than we think.
If we have the resolve to do so, we can move forward and nothing,
absolutely nothing, can take away our decision to find joy in
life.
After 9/11, I thought I would never be able to look at an airplane
again without remembering flaming buildings. Working in Washington
at the time, I flew over the Pentagon as it still smoldered. But
those days are in the past. I still remember those who died, but
death doesn't dominate my thoughts any longer. Airplanes take
me all around the world. They bring me home from faraway places
after long trips and I have shared many wonderful times with other
travelers who shared seats next to me.
Likewise, Christmas is still a time of magic. While I grieve with
those who have lost their children, parents, and spouses in this
tragedy, I will take a step forward. I will not allow the shooter
to hijack my career and I will not allow the joy of Christmas
to be stolen from me.
I probably will always remember the victims and their families
each Christmas, but we can choose to move on with life - accepting
the gifts it brings to us with each passing day. There will be
joy in my house because I will choose it. I urge you to do the
same. If my children can see that in me, then maybe that is a
present I can give them that they will use the rest of their lives.
Therefore, I can with good conscience wish you a very Merry Christmas
and the happiest of New Years.