The Comfort Zone
Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.
Pacifiers, security blankets, a soft piece of cloth, dolls, and stuffed animals. What do all of these things have in common? All of these items provide children with a sense of comfort and security. Even from the very earliest days, babies will suck on a pacifier for comfort. Children need reassurance and they soon discover they can find it in a familiar item. The world is frightening and unpredictable and these security items provide a sense of stability to a child.
We never outgrow security blankets. The things which give us security simply change in form. Toddlers find security in a parent or sibling. Grade school children are more apt to find security in a hug or comforting word, than in a stuffed animal. Teenagers are more likely to find comfort in peer group acceptance. Adults do not carry security blankets around at work, but we find comfort in relationships, pictures, or trinkets we have on our desks that remind us of the things we care about. Our car, our home, or even a favorite chair may provide us with a sense of security. We seek the familiar when we are afraid, lonely, or unsure of ourselves.
Children are rarely in control of their environment. When confronted with strange sounds, people, places, and other unfamiliar circumstances children learn to cope through the familiar smell and feel of a well-worn t-shirt or blanket, the familiar feel of a pacifier, or the comforting weight of a favorite doll.
When should children abandon their security blankets? With the exception of pacifiers, most security blankets are more of a social problem than a psychological or physical one.* As children get older, they may be subjected to teasing or ridicule for carrying a security blanket or stuffed animal into social settings where the item is socially unacceptable. A child may keep a security blanket longer than most parents would like, but he will give it up eventually on his own.
If you want to find out if your child is ready to surrender a security item, such as a pacifier, simply put it away. When the child asks for it, tell him he is big enough that he does not need it any more and help him find comfort in a more age- or socially appropriate object or behavior. You can expect some resistance at first, but after a day or two, the child should get used to the idea that the pacifier is no longer available. If the child continues to ask for the item for several days and makes life miserable for mom and dad, give it back. He wasn't ready. Most children are ready to give up their pacifiers around ages 2-3 years. Depriving a child of his or her security blanket usually won't cause long term problems, but if the child is not ready to give it up, he or she can certainly make your life difficult for several days.
If you withdraw the security item too early, something will take its place. A potential drawback to removing a pacifier too early is that a child may take up thumb-sucking. It is more desirable that a child suck a pacifier than a thumb. You can't take away a thumb and a thumb is usually less clean than a pacifier.
There is no magic age when children should no longer have their favorite blanket in bed with them or their favorite stuffed animal on a trip. As a general rule, if it isn't harmful to the child physically, let it go until the child is ready to give it up.*
*Pacifiers can cause dental problems in older children.
Consult your dentist for a recommendation.