Much of my work has to do with tragedy - children who have been traumatized, murders, and assaults. I have come to know many perpetrators of violent crime. This has allowed me to learn ways to prevent the crimes these men and women have committed. As summer looms on the horizon, the risk of child abduction and assault increases. Children are alone more often and they spend more time unsupervised at shopping malls, parks, and playgrounds. This month and next, I will address what I call the "four developmental enemies that work against children and to the advantage of perpetrators." They are: trust and obedience, curiosity, silence, and perceived appearances.
Trust and obedience. Children are trusting by nature. They are surrounded by people telling them what to do. Adults may not realize how many people give their children orders during a week and parents expect their children to obey these strangers. For example, their school day is spent in the company of their own teachers, and yet when they walk the halls, go to the restroom, eat in the cafeteria, or play on the playground, "strangers" tell them to be quiet, stand here or there, or to go to the library or the gymnasium. If they do not obey these adults, they get in trouble and yet we tell them not to talk to or obey strangers. It is easy for adults to forget that just because they know the teachers and office workers at the child's school, it does not mean that the child knows these people. At church, day care, amusement parks, and other public places, adults give children orders and children trust that these adults have the authority to give those commands simply because they are grownups. An adult can distinguish who has authority to give them commands based on manner of dress, location, or prior knowledge of the individual, but children cannot make such distinctions. For example, children over generalize rules making it easy for them to mistake the uniform of a washing machine repairman as a policeman's uniform. From a child's perspective, the uniforms look the same.
A child needs to be taught that an adult who has authority over them will never ask them to go alone with them into an apartment, house, or automobile. A responsible adult will almost never cause a child to be alone with him or her in an isolated place like a closet, bedroom, or office. Likewise, adults who have authority over children in one environment will not give them orders on the street or in a shopping mall. Abductors take advantage of a child's trust and use that trust to lure children into isolated places. For example, a perpetrator might see a child on a playground and say that his mother told him to come get the child and take him to the hospital because she had been in an accident. Teach your child that you will never send a stranger to take him anywhere for any reason.
Code words can be helpful. Anyone who has the parent's permission to take the child somewhere would need to tell the child the code word before the child would trust the stranger. However, someone who has an understanding of a child's thinking can easily bypass code words. No code words or training is better than adult supervision. One of the brochures produced by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children addresses after-school safety tips for children who are home alone. Our culture has come to accept this as a reasonable way of life when it is not. I would encourage the production of a brochure that might be titled, "Parents - Why You Should Be Home With Your Children Rather Than Leaving Them Alone." We cannot expect children to make rational, adult-like decisions when they are six or seven years of age.
Children's names should not appear in plain view on their clothing or possessions. When the child's name is visible, it makes it easy for a perpetrator to open a conversation using the child's name. When a child hears her name, she supposes that the speaker knows her. In her mind, someone who knows her name cannot be a stranger. Telemarketers and salesmen use this same technique with adults. They attempt to gain trust in an individual is by using one's name. If identifying labels are necessary on a child's clothes, write the child's name on the inside.
To avoid being pulled into an apartment, house, or vehicle, teach your child never to get close enough to be touched. If they are abducted, a perpetrator will command them to sit quietly and not to move. Teach your children that they do not have to obey this order, especially if an opportunity to flee arises.
Next month I will provide the remaining three developmental enemies to a child's safety. Following these simple instructions can help ensure your children remain free from harm.
(This issue is discussed in detail in my new book, "Wounded Innocents and Fallen Angels" available June 2003, Praeger Publishing.)
