No Wonder They Are Confused
Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.
I try to make sure I always focus on children and families in these columns I've written over the past twelve years. Today it might appear I've strayed into the arena of politics, but rest assured, if you stick with me you will see its application to families and children.
In my private practice I see a lot of confused children. When I look at the adults in the world where these children live, it doesn't surprise me that they are confused. Adults refuse to tolerate certain behaviors in children and yet seem to readily excuse some of those same behaviors in other adults or themselves. Here are some examples from the world of politics:
First, national and world events of the past couple of weeks have been overshadowed by Representative Cynthia McKinney's inexcusable behavior. We teach our children to respect authorities, especially police officers, and we teach them to follow the rules. McKinney, who enjoys the privilege of bypassing security screening, failed to follow the rules of that privilege by properly identifying herself by wearing her congressional pin. When she failed to stop after three vocal requests by a security officer, he put his hand on her shoulder to stop her. At that point she struck him. After the case became public, you would think humiliation for such childish behavior would have led her to beg for forgiveness, but instead she accused the guard of wrongdoing. When she was finally forced to make an apology by her colleagues, even then she could only say "there should have been no physical contact." Was she referring to her own contact toward the policeman or his contact with her? This reminds me of Clinton's pseudo-apology after the Lewinski affair followed by lengthy accusations against his enemies. Would most parents accept hitting as an acceptable problem-solving skill? I doubt it.
Second, partisans on both sides of the political aisle look for evidence against their opponents and selectively read statistics to argue their own favor. For example, Bush's current approval rating hovers around 35%. Democratic opponents use these numbers to claim Bush is ineffective and out of touch with the American people. Oh really? Then I guess since the approval ratings of Congress are running at 29% that means they are even more out of touch. I don't think you will hear any of these sanctimonious men or women touting these numbers. This type of selective attention reminds me of my children when they are in trouble and I ask what they did. They almost always start their responses with, "But she…" It is far easier to point fingers at someone else than to examine your own behavior.
Speaking of which, consider the 9/11 Commission. If there is any better example of politicians failing to look for their own contribution to the problem, I don't know what it is. After spending weeks in session and thousands of tax-payer dollars looking for someone to blame for intelligence problems that led to 9/11, who is sitting on the very committee to examine the question but Jamie Gurlick. This commission pointed fingers at Bush because the CIA and FBI didn't coordinate intelligence better prior to 9/11 when Gurlick's very own legislation made such coordination of intelligence against the law. That seems oddly analogous to a parent telling a child not to answer the cellular phone, but then punishing the child when he doesn't answer the phone when you call him to tell him something important. In psychology, we call these mutually exclusive behaviors - you can't do both at the same time - and mutually exclusive behaviors in this form always frustrate the one being forced into a decision.
Finally, we claim we want taxes cuts and that politicians waste our money, but we continue to elect representatives and senators based on shallow appearances and perks they promise us back home. Likewise, we don't look any gift horse in the mouth. When federal or state dollars are available for something we want, I rarely see anyone turning those dollars down because they represent pork. Not only do we continue to elect these self-serving individuals, but at best about half of us don't even bother to vote. A staple truth we have always proposed to our children is that "one voice matters," yet in the last election just a few weeks ago in Fayette County only 8% of the voters turned out. Even though the last presidential election reported one of the highest turnouts in history of 55%, still almost half of all registered voters stayed home.
To my critics who might argue that this is a Republican perspective, I concede that it wouldn't take long to point out some of the same problems with Republicans as well. However, political party isn't my focus. In fact, anyone who would argue with me about partisanship simply proves my point. Rather than focusing on the truth of the statements I present, it is more palatable to focus on political bickering. More, "But he…"
It is no wonder our children are confused. Would we accept
any of these behaviors from our children? I think not. If we want
to help them, we can start by living up to the same standards
we expect of them.