Last month I began a two-part series on how to keep your child safe. I addressed the first of four "developmental enemies" that work against children and to the advantage of perpetrators - trust and obedience. This month I conclude this series with the remaining three developmental "enemies" to your child's safety - curiosity, silence, and perceived appearances.
Curiosity. Perpetrators take advantage of children's natural curiosity and their inability to set aside their immediate desires. For example, Megan Kanka was abducted by her neighbor who lured her with promises to see a newborn puppy. Other perpetrators have lured children with promises of, games, toys, or candy. Perpetrators might also say they need help with an injured animal or ask the child to come sit with the injured animal while they go for help. Children are not mature enough to ask themselves why some stranger would want to show them a puppy or give them candy.
Teach your child to use good judgment and practice setting aside immediate desires. Self-discipline can help your children in many ways as they mature. Role-playing a perpetrator trying to abduct using a lure tactic can also be helpful. The child can play both the role of the perpetrator and of the victim. Both roles will help him or her learn how to be safe.
Silence. The last thing a perpetrator wants is attention from bystanders. Yet there have been many occasions where children have missed the opportunity to get help. In 1993, Richard Allen Davis kidnapped Polly Klaas from her bedroom. She did not scream as she was being abducted - her mother was sleeping in the next room - and just a few hours after her abduction, Davis ran his car off the road in a remote area. Two sheriff's deputies stopped to investigate the situation and after checking for warrants, they actually helped Davis push his car back onto the road. The entire time, Polly was in the trunk. After his arrest, Davis admitted that Polly was alive at the time and he expressed surprise that she did not yell out. Likewise, in Great Britain, also in 1993, two ten-year-old boys named Robert Thompson and Jon Venables led two-year-old James Bulger out of a busy shopping mall. For several hours they led him through the streets of Liverpool. During this time dozens of people saw them and several people actually talked to the boys. Bulger remained silent several times in the presence of these potential rescuers even when Jon Venables said that James was their little brother.
Teach your child to scream when in danger. For most of the day, children are told to be quiet. Rarely, if ever, are they allowed to make unrestrained noise, yet a noisy, screaming child is the very last thing a perpetrator wants. People will walk through parking lots ignoring car alarms, but almost any adult will pay attention to a screaming child. If confronted by another adult, the perpetrator may try to keep the child silent by monopolizing the conversation, thereby making it difficult for the child to "politely" wait his turn to talk. Teach your children that when they are in trouble, especially if they have been abducted, that it is OK to interrupt the perpetrator when he is talking and that it is OK to make noise.
Perceived appearances. What does a bad guy look like? In the 1960's when I was in grade school, local police officers came to our school and trained us how to stay safe. A pamphlet that we were given telling us not to talk to strangers showed a "bad" man in a big car approaching children. What stands out in my mind about this brochure was the bad man's appearance. Well-intentioned as it was, this was a very unrealistic teaching tool. Even as a grade school child, I could tell who the bad man was simply by looking at him. He looked evil, he drove an ominous car, and on his partially shadowed face he wore an evil expression. While some perpetrators do look the part, in real life the bad man does not always look "bad." Ted Bundy, for example, was described as charming and handsome by several people who knew him, including women who escaped his abduction attempts.
Teach your child to think about rules rather than looks. The rules include: never talk to strangers, never get in a car with a stranger, never follow a stranger out of a building, and never be lured by candy, money, or promises. Rules overrule looks.
Hopefully, these past two columns will help you ensure that your child will not become a victim of a perpetrator. As always, however, nothing is more important in keeping your child safe than adult supervision. Have a safe summer.
(This issue is discussed in detail in my new book, "Wounded Innocents and Fallen Angels" available June 2003, Praeger Publishing.)
