My son turned one last March. I have been a parent of girls for nearly a decade and yet I am amazed at all the advice I get from others about raising a boy. I listen politely as people try to explain to me how different boys are than girls. They tell me that I "really have my work cut out for me now that a boy is in the house." You, perhaps, have either been the giver or receiver of such advice. What are the differences between boys and girls?
In nearly all the areas of research, there are only a few distinct differences between males and females. Males are typically stronger than females in adulthood. Girls mature, on average, earlier than boys. Boys statistically perform better in math and spatial skills and girls are statistically stronger in verbal skills. The hormone testosterone is much more prevalent in males than in females. It is believed that this hormone accounts for the fact that boys (and men) are typically more aggressive than girls (women).
With those few exceptions, let me say that by far most gender differences are socialized. We teach our children how to be boys and how to be girls. We tell them from their very earliest days what colors are "girl" colors and which ones are "boy" colors. We teach our children which games are gender appropriate. They learn about careers that girls are more likely to pursue even as early as preschool.
Gender socialization is not all bad. It is important that children learn what is expected of them as males or females. They must exist within the culture and knowing the rules of the culture helps them to function more effectively. Among other things, it is through gender socialization that we learn the rules for courtship. Imagine how awkward it would be if you did not have any idea who was supposed to ask whom out, who was to drive, who was to pay, etc. Socialization provides suggested answers to these questions for us.
Gender socialization is not all good, either. It is from our culture that we limit children in what they believe they can be or do given their gender. For example, in very traditional homes, girls may be taught that they should not pursue careers, but rather pursue a husband and housekeeping as the appropriate role for them as women. Likewise, our culture has traditionally taught us that men must be the primary breadwinners in the family. There is nothing wrong with a woman being a housewife, nor is there anything wrong with the man being the primary breadwinner, unless the individual is lead to believe that he or she has no choice simply because of one's gender. In other words, when gender roles trap us into believing we can't do certain things, or we must do other things, simply because of our genetic make up, we are unnecessarily limited.
In conclusion, I suggest that we pay attention to how we stereotype children based on gender. Very active children, if they are male, are more likely to be called "all boy." Yet the very same behaviors in female children are called "unladylike." I watch with interest the same parents who have given me advice about boys as they explain away their own sons' impolite behavior, attributing it to his gender rather than poor manners. I would propose that it is important to recognize when we are socializing, how it is productive, and where it may be counterproductive.
