"You're a meanie!" That is how my three-year-old son described me not long ago when he wanted something that I would not let him have. He stomped away, certain that I was the meanest dad in the whole world. I don't remember what it was that he wanted, but I can assure you that the reason I would not agree to his request was because it was not in his best interest.
How many times do parents find themselves faced with this attitude? Unfortunately, it is not just from 3-year-olds, either. Grade school children complain because the want to stay up later than we know they should. Middle school children argue that they should be allowed to go to a party without mom "nosing in" to find out where it will be. High school children are insulted that they have to bring themselves in by midnight. They try to convince us that the most important thing that will ever take place in history will happen just after their curfews.
Don't you wish that in some way you could convince your children that you are only trying to protect them and teach them to be responsible? A mother asked me a few weeks ago how she could get her adolescent daughter to understand that she (the mother) got no pleasure from grounding her for violating a rule. I know this woman wanted the same thing I want so often. She wanted to have a reasonable conversation with this 13-year-old and at the end of the conversation, she wanted her daughter to say, "I see, now, that you only want what is best for me. I understand that I can't always see the benefit of your discipline so I'll just accept your wisdom and hope I learn from this experience."
Obviously, there was nothing that she could say that would appease her daughter and the response we wish for is pure fantasy. Not only do I know this because I am trained to understand children, but even more so because I remember being a child. How sure I was that my parents sat around into the wee hours of the morning, plotting ways to make my life miserable. Anytime their imaginations went dry, I was sure they called in consultants to help them devise punishments and rules for the sole purpose of making me unhappy. I laugh now when I think of how logical it all seemed to me then.
Good parents will find their children angry with them occasionally. Doing the right thing often means doing the hard thing. Disciplining my children has the power to bring me to the edge of tears because I don't want them hating me - even though I know their 'hate' won't last. How much easier it would be not to care? How much easier it would be to take the path of least resistance, to avoid the argument or confrontation? Yet to take the easy route would be irresponsible. The work of being a good parent involves enduring false accusations, hateful looks, and the silent treatment. Haven't we all at one time or another driven home from school, the store, or church, and caught the 'evil' glare of our child in the backseat of the car who is angry over some issue?
Parenting is sort of like the stock market. It pays its dividends over many years. If you expect short-term windfalls, you will be disappointed, but diligence in the parenting department will produce honorable, decent human beings over time. At my place of employment, I work with more than a dozen very dedicated parents whose children are grown. I watched them with their children when their children were young and I know how seriously they took their jobs as parents. Now that their children are grown, I see what fine people they have become and many times I have thought that I would be proud if my children grew up to be like them. Through their examples, these parents have encouraged me and I encourage you to be patient and endure the storms, because the cost is worth it.
