Starting School
Gregory K. Moffatt, Ph.D.
I say it every year and you have probably said it yourself. It is hard to believe that another summer is nearly over and school starts in just a couple of weeks. It seems like just days ago we were looking ahead to more than two months of break and now in just days sports, school, and all the hustle and bustle of the fall season will be in full swing.
The start of school is an exciting time for many children, but it can also be one filled with anxiety. As many parents have experienced, some children fear starting school, especially when they enter formal school (Kindergarten or first grade) for the first time.
Change is difficult. When any of us leave what we know and begin something new - a job, school, a new neighborhood - it can be frightening. Our anxiety stems primarily from having to deal with the unknown. Change almost by default means we do not fully know what to expect. Will we fit in? Will people like us and will we like them? Will we know what to do? Will we be competent? Children are no different. In fact, much of the reason children miss their parents in a variety of environments is primarily because mom provides a foundation of familiarity that is comforting to them and that familiarity counteracts the unknown.
Therefore, in order to help children ease into the transition to school life, the first thing to do is to make the unknown known. Take them to visit the school they will be attending. Go to open house. See the classrooms and meet the teachers. Show them the desk where they will sit and the hooks on which they will hang their coats.
When I work with young children who are having difficulty transitioning into elementary school, I might play "school" in my therapy office. I give the child the chance to play teacher, student, and bus driver. When it is possible, I might walk with the child through the halls of his or her future school. I point out things that they might recognize - the cafeteria, gym, and library - and I try to help them imagine themselves in those places.
"What is your favorite food that you might eat while sitting at this table for lunch?" I might ask. "What games do you like to play that they might play in the gym?" "What are your favorite kind of books? Let's see if they have any of those in this library."
We might walk the playground. I enjoy letting children show me how to use the various pieces of playground equipment because it empowers them. Sometimes I'll play a game with the child to see if he or she can lead me to various places in the building. All of this helps create a sense of ownership and control that make the school more familiar and less intimidating.
I also let the child tell me in his or her own way what things are scary about school. Everything is "normal" as far as I'm concerned and I never say anything that might make a child feel silly about his or her fears.
"I'm afraid of the man teachers," one child told me.
"I can see why that might be," I responded. "What makes men teachers scary?"
The conversation continues as the child explains her feelings and fears and we talk about ways to deal with them.
You can prevent some difficulties by helping your child be prepared. Go shopping together for school supplies. Talk about what school will be like, who will be there, and what they will do. Act it out at home and visit the school. Perhaps most important, listen to your child's fears or anxieties and understand them. Don't downplay their fears, but rather help the child understand them.
Most children will transition to school life with little
trouble, although they might need a little more sleep than usual
and they might be a little more hyper, grumpy, or emotional than
normal for the first few days. For those who have trouble, these
tips might help as well as seeking guidance from the child's teacher,
administrators, or school counselor.